I have come to learn that I use procrastination and avoidance as non verbal queues for no thank you and no.
My bedroom closet needs to be cleaned out, I am in the process of cleaning it out is what I say.. The truth is I am NOT making an effort to clean the closet because I don't want to. simple. I have other things I would rather do...
Write, read, listen to music, eat, sleep, cook, go for a walk or ride... I could go on and on but not clean. Then it came to me procrastination and avoidance were excuses and excuses are built from weakness and fears....
I must place my weakness and fears aside to gain what is really mine. Submission is doing what I know is right even when I dont want to and there is no one around to see...
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
What to do when life offers you what you want.
I have found that in life I wish for a lot of things and I was not always sure why I wanted the thing. As I have begun the process of simplifying my life I have taken more time to narrow down my desires which has helped to the noise in my head.
I am ok with being just a woman who is called, Wife, Mother, Helpmate, Student, Teacher, Friend, Business owner, a contributor to the society I live in. Nothing is impossible there are always probabilities that the things I want can be obtain with the proper motivation and determination.
As I have become clearer in my expectations its amazing how the universe has answered me. I have found that its not about waiting for the "thing" to happen its instead about acting as if that thing is already.
For example I desire to be a wife. My room was not conducive for a mate. If he showed up today he would not feel welcomed like I was expecting his arrival. I changed that. I have begun to make space for the King that is to reside in my life. I began this thought process BEFORE I have officially obtained Him.
My clothes and shoes are being moved to one side of the closet. A dresser is waiting for his things. He is welcomed. I expect the universe to answer and reward my ernest actions.
I am interested in gardening, self sufficient living, community activities on a grass root personal level, travel, food, family. I am the active driver of my life course.
Life it seems is giving me the opportunity I asked for. I am answering with YES..
Has life been knocking at your door, did you miss it? Rest assured your time will come again, mine has.
When life offers you want you want say Yes, thank you! Instead of tearing it to pieces trying to figure out if its "real".
I am ok with being just a woman who is called, Wife, Mother, Helpmate, Student, Teacher, Friend, Business owner, a contributor to the society I live in. Nothing is impossible there are always probabilities that the things I want can be obtain with the proper motivation and determination.
As I have become clearer in my expectations its amazing how the universe has answered me. I have found that its not about waiting for the "thing" to happen its instead about acting as if that thing is already.
For example I desire to be a wife. My room was not conducive for a mate. If he showed up today he would not feel welcomed like I was expecting his arrival. I changed that. I have begun to make space for the King that is to reside in my life. I began this thought process BEFORE I have officially obtained Him.
My clothes and shoes are being moved to one side of the closet. A dresser is waiting for his things. He is welcomed. I expect the universe to answer and reward my ernest actions.
I am interested in gardening, self sufficient living, community activities on a grass root personal level, travel, food, family. I am the active driver of my life course.
Life it seems is giving me the opportunity I asked for. I am answering with YES..
Has life been knocking at your door, did you miss it? Rest assured your time will come again, mine has.
When life offers you want you want say Yes, thank you! Instead of tearing it to pieces trying to figure out if its "real".
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Explanations are accepted excuses.
The more I spend simplifying my life and actions I find that I am so much clearer on my goals and expectations of self.
I live in a simple world I have created. Its called Simplicity. Its a place where In the absence of YES every thing else is NO. There is simplicity found in ANYthing other then Yes and its other synonyms being and equals no and all of its varying synonyms.
Once I was willing to accept yes and no I feel like there was a lot of weight lifted from my mind. I no longer had to guess and wonder what was being said. I simply listen for yes and no. Math became simpler to me. Why because for instance if I want to make increments of 5 there are only a few ways to do that. If I want to keep it simple all I have to remember is the combinations and if they are not present then the answer is no.
In dealing with people I am learning to listen carefully to what is being said. I don't always need explanations as they are just accepted ways of making excuses for no's. I am ok with simple yes or no. If there is additional explanations needed then ok but that is not always the case and I think I forgot that I have control of self and what emerges from my mouth and my emotions. I make decisions every moment of every day even if it is unconscious. I am actively becoming more away of my explanations and reasoning behind my actions and what I have found is that end the end they are all fear based excuses, no.
I will say this over and over again.
I have a 50/50 chance of Success/Acceptance/YES by simply asking/acting/doing. While if I do nothing I have a 100% chance of Failure/NO/Rejection.
When I make things this simple I cant not find any reason for me to not try. That is simple math you take the chance that affords you the higher odds.. I am simplifying my life with continued practice.
I have many desires and goals each one of them I am pursuing in some form or fashion if they are important. There is nothing between yes and no. There is nothing between off and on. There is nothing between action and inaction.
In love and life I choose YES. I do not allow mine or anyone elses explanations of accepted excuses stop me from my YES.
I live in a simple world I have created. Its called Simplicity. Its a place where In the absence of YES every thing else is NO. There is simplicity found in ANYthing other then Yes and its other synonyms being and equals no and all of its varying synonyms.
Once I was willing to accept yes and no I feel like there was a lot of weight lifted from my mind. I no longer had to guess and wonder what was being said. I simply listen for yes and no. Math became simpler to me. Why because for instance if I want to make increments of 5 there are only a few ways to do that. If I want to keep it simple all I have to remember is the combinations and if they are not present then the answer is no.
In dealing with people I am learning to listen carefully to what is being said. I don't always need explanations as they are just accepted ways of making excuses for no's. I am ok with simple yes or no. If there is additional explanations needed then ok but that is not always the case and I think I forgot that I have control of self and what emerges from my mouth and my emotions. I make decisions every moment of every day even if it is unconscious. I am actively becoming more away of my explanations and reasoning behind my actions and what I have found is that end the end they are all fear based excuses, no.
I will say this over and over again.
I have a 50/50 chance of Success/Acceptance/YES by simply asking/acting/doing. While if I do nothing I have a 100% chance of Failure/NO/Rejection.
When I make things this simple I cant not find any reason for me to not try. That is simple math you take the chance that affords you the higher odds.. I am simplifying my life with continued practice.
I have many desires and goals each one of them I am pursuing in some form or fashion if they are important. There is nothing between yes and no. There is nothing between off and on. There is nothing between action and inaction.
In love and life I choose YES. I do not allow mine or anyone elses explanations of accepted excuses stop me from my YES.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Relationship Killers
I was on twitter a few days ago and I read the following.. I had to write about it.
Hoes- Well nuff said right? If you are the hoe, if you around hoes, if you looking for hoes, if you run into hoes.. ALL BAD. A hoe is considered a hoe because she has no value not because of what she does in my opinion. Consider that..
"Relationship Killers: Insecurity, Trust Issues, Facebook, Twitter, Jealousy, Lack Of Communication, Assumptions, HOES"
Insecurity- is a killer because it shows the world that you don't trust yourself. If you do not trust, accept, love, you how can another? There is a difference between being uncertain and being insecure. People (but really to my other ladies) no man or woman wants to hear how you think your ugly often and yes often is once a day or even once a week in your words or actions. Who wants to be with a person that is subject to fear, lacks self confidence, who is exposed and liable to risk loss or danger, not firmly or reliable placed... I don't!
Trust issues- Unpack your suitcase before you being another journey. Trust is a 2 way street. Learn to be trust worthy and then you can trust.
Facebook- Is not your diary, Not a fantasy world and is not for you to destroy your life over. If a thing cause you great pain and you don't like it why do it? Facebook is not to air all your personal business and secrets and then tell others to mind they business... Um we are you are on the news feed lol. It is a social site and it is not private. PLEASE remember that! Writer with caution
Twitter- Ditto above.
Jealousy- Has no place in any relationship you hope to cultivate. Period. First because in a loving committed relationship no one should be rivals.. I should not feel guarded, have a suspicion or fear, and I should not be upset over another person successes..
Lack of Communication- Facebook and Twitter, blogs, social media sites, are not and should not be your main form of communication in your relationships. Communication is not yelling, cursing, demanding, threatening, verbal abuse, verbal black mail, silence, a cold shoulder.
Assumptions- The 4 Agreements say it far better then I ever could
' Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life." don Miguel Ruiz
Insecurity- is a killer because it shows the world that you don't trust yourself. If you do not trust, accept, love, you how can another? There is a difference between being uncertain and being insecure. People (but really to my other ladies) no man or woman wants to hear how you think your ugly often and yes often is once a day or even once a week in your words or actions. Who wants to be with a person that is subject to fear, lacks self confidence, who is exposed and liable to risk loss or danger, not firmly or reliable placed... I don't!
Trust issues- Unpack your suitcase before you being another journey. Trust is a 2 way street. Learn to be trust worthy and then you can trust.
Facebook- Is not your diary, Not a fantasy world and is not for you to destroy your life over. If a thing cause you great pain and you don't like it why do it? Facebook is not to air all your personal business and secrets and then tell others to mind they business... Um we are you are on the news feed lol. It is a social site and it is not private. PLEASE remember that! Writer with caution
Twitter- Ditto above.
Jealousy- Has no place in any relationship you hope to cultivate. Period. First because in a loving committed relationship no one should be rivals.. I should not feel guarded, have a suspicion or fear, and I should not be upset over another person successes..
Lack of Communication- Facebook and Twitter, blogs, social media sites, are not and should not be your main form of communication in your relationships. Communication is not yelling, cursing, demanding, threatening, verbal abuse, verbal black mail, silence, a cold shoulder.
Assumptions- The 4 Agreements say it far better then I ever could
' Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life." don Miguel Ruiz
And I will add the last one. learn to hear and listen.. We want to be listened to and heard practice and you will become a master.
I been on vacation
For the past week I have been on vacation. I have taken time to explore the joys of me. I didn't plan a trip to an exciting place with an itinerary filled to the brim.. this time. Instead I have spent the last week enjoying some of my closest friends, pouring into those I love, and receiving all that I am getting. Oh and learning about me.
I turned 34 and I still feel 25. I am glad. I have knowledge and direction. I am in a phase of flux. I am dumping the old for the new and the new for newer. I am learning to relax and release the desire to control that which can not be controlled, Im learning that is a form of anxiety for me, no thank you.
It amazing what I have done with no stress no planning no rushing or overt expectations other then to have fun.
I have enjoyed my passion of reading and I am finding exploration into new areas very tantalizing.
Next year I will be 35. I am in the beginning stages of planning a 2+ week journey internationally. Failure will come only in my lack of action, I am noting this as motivation and accountability.
I turned 34 and I still feel 25. I am glad. I have knowledge and direction. I am in a phase of flux. I am dumping the old for the new and the new for newer. I am learning to relax and release the desire to control that which can not be controlled, Im learning that is a form of anxiety for me, no thank you.
It amazing what I have done with no stress no planning no rushing or overt expectations other then to have fun.
I have enjoyed my passion of reading and I am finding exploration into new areas very tantalizing.
Next year I will be 35. I am in the beginning stages of planning a 2+ week journey internationally. Failure will come only in my lack of action, I am noting this as motivation and accountability.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Special day..A new year
Today is my birthday. I am 34. When I was 24 I dreaded this day. It felt like 34 was 184. I am not sure why but 10 years ago today seemed like a huge difference Today I am 34 and I am so happy. Today I am single, divorced, a mother of 3, struggling financially, but insightful and peaceful.
I know me better then I have ever known myself. I am deeply aware of myself and it is both scary and exciting.
Breaking old habits and gaining new ones.
My love language (click the link take the test) is quality time. For the past week my dearest friends have showered me with the most important thing to me.. their time. I did not receive a monetary gift and I am SO content with that. What I have if far more important memories and time with them. I have talked, listened, shared, loved and connected with people that I love an respect. I have discovered yet another facet of me and it is great.
I have the capacity to heal, to learn endless, to grow, give, forgive, share, engage, evolve, achieve, rise, fall, and rise again. Life is a challenge and worth every moment!
Let the new year bring me joy, endless achievements, challenges and growth. I am ready!
I know me better then I have ever known myself. I am deeply aware of myself and it is both scary and exciting.
Breaking old habits and gaining new ones.
My love language (click the link take the test) is quality time. For the past week my dearest friends have showered me with the most important thing to me.. their time. I did not receive a monetary gift and I am SO content with that. What I have if far more important memories and time with them. I have talked, listened, shared, loved and connected with people that I love an respect. I have discovered yet another facet of me and it is great.
I have the capacity to heal, to learn endless, to grow, give, forgive, share, engage, evolve, achieve, rise, fall, and rise again. Life is a challenge and worth every moment!
Let the new year bring me joy, endless achievements, challenges and growth. I am ready!
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The beginning of a new journey
Today is the eve of the beginning of a era for me. For the past 10 years I have been married, tonight 12pm I will no longer be married. Tomorrow as of 12:01 I will consider myself single after 11 years.
It feels surreal. I use to be very upset and anxious about this date, but not anymore.
I see this as the beginning of a new journey. The opportunity for me to take my lessons learned and put them to particle use. I separated on Aug 12th 2009, I filed for a divorce Dec 2011, it is now June 27th 2012 and I am single. I have experienced disappointments, heart ache, discovery, growth, and change. I am so blessed to see myself though to the end as a journey that has led to another bend in the road.
My life is wonderful I have experienced my serious of unfortunate events but through it all I am so happy on the other side of this.
There were plenty of times when I was not sure if I could breath another moment. There were times when I was not sure how I would pay my bills to buy food, there were even more days when I just couldn't think. And then I took responsibility for my actions, my self, my behaviors and my lack of behaviors.
I stopped hurting when I stopped feeling hurt. I stopped waiting on my happiness and I went out and found it. Happiness is within my reach so I stretched until I reached it.
Every day is yes. I wake up and choose yes or no. I keep it simple, yes or no.
It feels surreal. I use to be very upset and anxious about this date, but not anymore.
I see this as the beginning of a new journey. The opportunity for me to take my lessons learned and put them to particle use. I separated on Aug 12th 2009, I filed for a divorce Dec 2011, it is now June 27th 2012 and I am single. I have experienced disappointments, heart ache, discovery, growth, and change. I am so blessed to see myself though to the end as a journey that has led to another bend in the road.
My life is wonderful I have experienced my serious of unfortunate events but through it all I am so happy on the other side of this.
There were plenty of times when I was not sure if I could breath another moment. There were times when I was not sure how I would pay my bills to buy food, there were even more days when I just couldn't think. And then I took responsibility for my actions, my self, my behaviors and my lack of behaviors.
I stopped hurting when I stopped feeling hurt. I stopped waiting on my happiness and I went out and found it. Happiness is within my reach so I stretched until I reached it.
Every day is yes. I wake up and choose yes or no. I keep it simple, yes or no.
"Expectation is the root of all heartache" WS.. Or so he said
"Expectation is the root of all heartache" WS
I read this quote a while ago and I was a bit ambivalent about it.
I guess a part of me didn't understand it at first. My thought process began with I have expectations for myself! If I don't have expectations how do I achieve goals?
Then I began to pounder what is the difference between goals and expectations?
Then I realized I need to spend more time mastering the english language. I have a problem communicating because I often do not understand exactly what is being said.
Expectation is the root of all heartaches. Why because the act of looking forward to or anticipation is not going to help me achieve anything. Hard work, the grind, the failures, the dedication, getting back up. That is what moves me. So I finally understand the quote.
I read this quote a while ago and I was a bit ambivalent about it.
I guess a part of me didn't understand it at first. My thought process began with I have expectations for myself! If I don't have expectations how do I achieve goals?
Then I began to pounder what is the difference between goals and expectations?
- Expectation is - the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.
Then I realized I need to spend more time mastering the english language. I have a problem communicating because I often do not understand exactly what is being said.
Expectation is the root of all heartaches. Why because the act of looking forward to or anticipation is not going to help me achieve anything. Hard work, the grind, the failures, the dedication, getting back up. That is what moves me. So I finally understand the quote.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Do I seek success or simply do what I love?
I saw a twitter post today by "Rich Cruse Photo @Oprah Did you seek success or simply to do what you love?"
I thought this would be a wonderful conversation to have with myself.
I use to do what I thought I needed to do. When I was younger I was told that I needed to have a job and go to work. It was explained to me that this was life. People went to high school, got a job preferably(think postal, military) a good job, worked and retired.
I dare to think outside the box. I do not hold the idea of a job being the only way. I believe that to be neither truth or fact instead I see a job as one of an infinite about of choices to sustain oneself.
I have worked my share of jobs, I have run my share of small business. I have found what I needed in them all. Now I know what I desire.
My desire is to be my own boss. I have to take the steps to do that. And then this question came to me.
"Do I seek success or simply do what I love?" My answer is both.
I find success in seeking the things that I love. Doing what I love is how I defined my success..
#seekingsuccessinlove
I thought this would be a wonderful conversation to have with myself.
I use to do what I thought I needed to do. When I was younger I was told that I needed to have a job and go to work. It was explained to me that this was life. People went to high school, got a job preferably(think postal, military) a good job, worked and retired.
I dare to think outside the box. I do not hold the idea of a job being the only way. I believe that to be neither truth or fact instead I see a job as one of an infinite about of choices to sustain oneself.
I have worked my share of jobs, I have run my share of small business. I have found what I needed in them all. Now I know what I desire.
My desire is to be my own boss. I have to take the steps to do that. And then this question came to me.
"Do I seek success or simply do what I love?" My answer is both.
I find success in seeking the things that I love. Doing what I love is how I defined my success..
#seekingsuccessinlove
Saturday, June 23, 2012
The impossible into possible
I recently began to work out again. This is not my first time around this rodeo but it will be my last. I have finally changed my thoughts and now my actions can follow.
The epiphany that began a few weeks ago has continued in every aspect of my life. My mind, body, and soul must all be in sync.
I know believe the impossible is possible.. And I believe that because I began the journey with the 5steps.
Motivational coach/ speaker
Profound thanks
The epiphany that began a few weeks ago has continued in every aspect of my life. My mind, body, and soul must all be in sync.
I know believe the impossible is possible.. And I believe that because I began the journey with the 5steps.
- There is simply yes or no
- I do less thinking more doing.
- I have expectations for myself every day. I make a list of what I expect of myself, I hold myself accountable.
- I mark every step and every achievement in writing.
- I make no excuses.
Motivational coach/ speaker
Profound thanks
Friday, June 22, 2012
I can't hear your intentions
I can only hear what is spoken. I have run into it time and time again. I am sure many of you have as well...
"Well what I meant to say was... " How many times have you heard this from someone?
My answer is I can only hear what you said. So please say what you mean I am listening and I want to hear you.
Listen and hear.. everyone wants the same thing. :)
Gaining new joy
I have to unpack my bags from my last journey before I can pack for a new one.
I want to have room and space to fill up with gifts and wonderful memories, I need space to do that.
To gain space I have to remove, throw away, discard anything that stands in my way.
Joy is found in happiness.
I do that which brings me joy, I have no need to apologie, that's why I don't.
Truth its a good thing
I want to have room and space to fill up with gifts and wonderful memories, I need space to do that.
To gain space I have to remove, throw away, discard anything that stands in my way.
Joy is found in happiness.
I do that which brings me joy, I have no need to apologie, that's why I don't.
Truth its a good thing
Live today
Today is yesterday's tomorrow. I find myself often getting caught up in yesterdays perceived failures and tomorrows challenges that I forget to just live.
recently I have decided that every day is the day.
Today is all I have. The future is a figment of my imagination and a reflection of my dreams. Today is the day for me to make those things reality. - me
recently I have decided that every day is the day.
Today is all I have. The future is a figment of my imagination and a reflection of my dreams. Today is the day for me to make those things reality. - me
HEAR VERSES LISTEN
I recently had I would describe as a heated verbal confrontation with a person in my life. The topic of the argument is not really relevant. What is relevant to me is the exchange and why it happened, but I have to also understand where others are coming from so here is my blather.
When I am communicating I have to recognize that I can make people feel uncomfortable due to my ability to listen and hear.
to pay attention; heed; obey (often followed by to ): Children don't always listen to their parents.
Hear-to perceive by the ear: Didn't you hear the doorbell?
I find it incredibly hard to have a person tell me I am not listening to them. I live and work in a world that requires me to give a great amount of energy and time to listen and hear what is conveyed... What every your getting from me is my perception of what I am receiving. I am just conveying it back.. much like a reflection on a mirror.. Believe me I am not the only one that does this. What usually happens is that we mirror what we see and have no IDEA why we keep getting into the same or similar situations... Perhaps the person, place, situation is a reflection of you.
Change you and the reflection will change as well. In the end listen and hear is the point not verses..
Change you and the reflection will change as well. In the end listen and hear is the point not verses..
Monday, June 18, 2012
How did naive become a 3 letter word?
I am naive. Why do I have to pretend I know it all.. Do I not miss out on valuable lessons in my pretense or what I would define as a lie..
I do not know a lot. I am in a constant state of evaluation and evolution. I am always questioning what I do and why I do it. I change I want my life to grow and reflect those changes.
To say I am naive is not to say that I do not know things. I know what I know but that is not as important when in discovery of new things. I want to be open to acceptance, hearing, loving, trying, doing instead of living in my past.
Naive is not a 3 letter word.
I do not know a lot. I am in a constant state of evaluation and evolution. I am always questioning what I do and why I do it. I change I want my life to grow and reflect those changes.
To say I am naive is not to say that I do not know things. I know what I know but that is not as important when in discovery of new things. I want to be open to acceptance, hearing, loving, trying, doing instead of living in my past.
Naive is not a 3 letter word.
Jealously
The opposite of Acceptance in my mind is Jealously.
Jealously is the opposite of love. Love is a singular good and opposite to evil.
Without jealously there is love.
Without anger there is love.
Without greed there is love.
Without love there is anger.
Without love there is jealously
Without love there is hurt
Without love there is pain
Without love there is a lack of forgiveness and acceptance.
With love I see probability over possibility. Action makes love last ever lasting.
Jealously is the opposite of love. Love is a singular good and opposite to evil.
Without jealously there is love.
Without anger there is love.
Without greed there is love.
Without love there is anger.
Without love there is jealously
Without love there is hurt
Without love there is pain
Without love there is a lack of forgiveness and acceptance.
With love I see probability over possibility. Action makes love last ever lasting.
A chance meeting
I meet someone recently.. Or should I say he meet me ;)
He sent me a note that stated he was interested in me and I responded as I was interested in him. Now we begin the journey of discovery...
I realize now that in the past I was not honest with myself in the beginning and as I discovered more I liked less.
When the benefits outweighed the pain.. I left. I could have saved myself years with honesty.
I am being 100% honest and truthful with myself and him.
I have the capacity to love. I choose to love, I know how to love.
I want to love my mate with the unconditional love found in few relationships.
***** DISCLAIMER**** I AM IN NO WAY SUPPORTING UNDERAGE RELATIONSHIPS OR RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PERSONS OF RELATIONS***
As a mother I love my children with unfaltering dedication and support. I love them and would do all within my power to protect them. All decision I make are with them in mind and putting them first. I have been a mother for 18 years. I am good at this. I only know how to function like this.
What I recently learned though is putting me first is Putting them first. My health physically, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually all need to be balanced for me to be a smooth running machine.
I am taking those same principles and using them in my personal life. I know how to love unconditionally I do it all the time.
I know how to forgive and forget. I do it every day!
I know how to teach others how to treat me! I do it every day!
I know how to hold my temper, count my words, and play nice. I do it every day!
There are no excuses why I should not apply those same principles through out my entire life. Especially my personal/romantic/love arena.
Are you holding up your end of happiness?
He sent me a note that stated he was interested in me and I responded as I was interested in him. Now we begin the journey of discovery...
I realize now that in the past I was not honest with myself in the beginning and as I discovered more I liked less.
When the benefits outweighed the pain.. I left. I could have saved myself years with honesty.
I am being 100% honest and truthful with myself and him.
I have the capacity to love. I choose to love, I know how to love.
I want to love my mate with the unconditional love found in few relationships.
***** DISCLAIMER**** I AM IN NO WAY SUPPORTING UNDERAGE RELATIONSHIPS OR RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PERSONS OF RELATIONS***
As a mother I love my children with unfaltering dedication and support. I love them and would do all within my power to protect them. All decision I make are with them in mind and putting them first. I have been a mother for 18 years. I am good at this. I only know how to function like this.
What I recently learned though is putting me first is Putting them first. My health physically, mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually all need to be balanced for me to be a smooth running machine.
I am taking those same principles and using them in my personal life. I know how to love unconditionally I do it all the time.
I know how to forgive and forget. I do it every day!
I know how to teach others how to treat me! I do it every day!
I know how to hold my temper, count my words, and play nice. I do it every day!
There are no excuses why I should not apply those same principles through out my entire life. Especially my personal/romantic/love arena.
Are you holding up your end of happiness?
Action
The lack of Action is INaction. There is no middle group.
I am learning that to achieve my goal I must be moving and doing the thing I wish to achieve... Thinking is not action. Action is taking one step at a time and being able to show incremental changes.
To begin to make changes I must first have a destination, a journey without a destination for me never ends nor feels fulfilling. I know that this will be different for everyone but to know that I am moving I must be able to see and confirm increments of growth.
For me this begins with a journal. I keep a daily journal of my goals and then the next day I can check and see what I achieved. Instant gratification and instant correction.
How are you gauging your progress in your life journey?
I am learning that to achieve my goal I must be moving and doing the thing I wish to achieve... Thinking is not action. Action is taking one step at a time and being able to show incremental changes.
To begin to make changes I must first have a destination, a journey without a destination for me never ends nor feels fulfilling. I know that this will be different for everyone but to know that I am moving I must be able to see and confirm increments of growth.
For me this begins with a journal. I keep a daily journal of my goals and then the next day I can check and see what I achieved. Instant gratification and instant correction.
How are you gauging your progress in your life journey?
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
A wise man speaks because he has something to say; a fool because he has to say something.
Quoted in Des MacHale, Wisdom (London, 2002).
I use to spend an extraordinary amount of my time worrying. At the time I called it planning and other such frivolous wording but for me in the end it was a lot of time wasted.
I was always analyzing yesterdays to have a better grasp on my tomorrows... I was forgetting my today's.
Recently I recognized that today is all that is important. Today is the opportunity I have been waiting for; the moment finally arriving. Now it is my pleasure to do.
A person told me that action is all that matters. Planning is not doing.. And now I realize because the absence of action is just inaction.. I can call it anything else I want to but inaction is just that... Planning is fine but action is best. Doing is my purpose. I can think and do at the same time. Thoughts and contemplation do not take long.. The doubt that I have of not succeeding is what takes long. Fear of the known coupled with the fears of the unknown. I have used my past mistakes while ignoring or perhaps not putting as much weight on my past triumphs.
Its all about my perception. I have done great things in my past, I will do great things in my future, but all of the actions begin in the today.
Quoted in Des MacHale, Wisdom (London, 2002).
I use to spend an extraordinary amount of my time worrying. At the time I called it planning and other such frivolous wording but for me in the end it was a lot of time wasted.
I was always analyzing yesterdays to have a better grasp on my tomorrows... I was forgetting my today's.
Recently I recognized that today is all that is important. Today is the opportunity I have been waiting for; the moment finally arriving. Now it is my pleasure to do.
A person told me that action is all that matters. Planning is not doing.. And now I realize because the absence of action is just inaction.. I can call it anything else I want to but inaction is just that... Planning is fine but action is best. Doing is my purpose. I can think and do at the same time. Thoughts and contemplation do not take long.. The doubt that I have of not succeeding is what takes long. Fear of the known coupled with the fears of the unknown. I have used my past mistakes while ignoring or perhaps not putting as much weight on my past triumphs.
Its all about my perception. I have done great things in my past, I will do great things in my future, but all of the actions begin in the today.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Taken in Hand Marraiges and Relationships Yahoo group started!!!
I told myself that there was nothing between doing and not doing. Trying is not doing so it is not doing. I know it sounds complicated but to me it is SO simple. In my simplicity I am doing a LOT more HAHAHA...
Here is a group I began click on it, I swear it wont bite.. Taken in Hand Marriages & LTR
I am interested deeply about this subject because it resonates on many levels with my core values.I am looking to interact with others of like mind.
The twist that I have encountered are the following.
To over come those obsticals I have created the group! Taken in Hand Marriages & LTR Come join me! Share pass it on!
I know that I am not alone there are many, many, more women and men like me!!! Some will call it Taken in hand others perhaps Head of Household what ever you call it lets talk about it!
Here is a group I began click on it, I swear it wont bite.. Taken in Hand Marriages & LTR
I am interested deeply about this subject because it resonates on many levels with my core values.I am looking to interact with others of like mind.
The twist that I have encountered are the following.
- I am a woman who is African American / Black
- I am college educated
- I believe in marriage.
- I believe in and support monogamy
- I do not want to be in a poly relationship
- I do not want to be with other women
- I think kink is ok but that there is a time and place for everything.
To over come those obsticals I have created the group! Taken in Hand Marriages & LTR Come join me! Share pass it on!
I know that I am not alone there are many, many, more women and men like me!!! Some will call it Taken in hand others perhaps Head of Household what ever you call it lets talk about it!
I put mySELF last so that I may become 1st.
I have a very selfish steak tucked away some where very deep and embedded inside of me. I truly believe that I am priceless and very important.I am not crazy nor am I naive.. I temper that statement with a addendum. I am priceless and very important to a FEW people in this world, and that is just fine with me. I only desire to hold value with many but to be considered priceless I only need a few, those I consider family.
I am learning that I lived in a place where most if not all of my actions were geared towards the gaining of a need I felt I had. Why I did this was because I felt that there was NO ONE ELSE to care for my needs. I was married 2 times and in both of those marriages I learned before I married them that I lacked trust in them to care for me how I needed to be cared for. I stayed because I was afraid of not having anything instead I settled for a bunch of things I did not need... Which is still not having anything..
I am grateful for the experiences in hindsight but it HURT.
How do I do better... I am listening to myself. That means when I feel a feeling lets say FEAR.. I address it instead of ignoring it. I ask my self a few questions
What I am doing is being BRAVE. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable. I am allowing myself to TRUST, I am allowing others around me to do the same. I am leading by example the behaviors I expect others to portray in my world.
I am embracing the old sayings. Practice what you preach and Lead by example.
If it is my desire to have a husband and mate who is sacrificing by putting his wife and his children and family before himself shouldn't I be willing to meet his needs as well? Now before anyone argues the point of what if his needs are not your needs or some such other tangent let me state this disclaimer..
I would not enter into a relationship of marriage without having my core values meet. PERIOD there are some hard lines that I have learned are not negotiable.
Being 1st, the most valued, and priceless in some one's life is NOT negotiable. :)
Jami
I am learning that I lived in a place where most if not all of my actions were geared towards the gaining of a need I felt I had. Why I did this was because I felt that there was NO ONE ELSE to care for my needs. I was married 2 times and in both of those marriages I learned before I married them that I lacked trust in them to care for me how I needed to be cared for. I stayed because I was afraid of not having anything instead I settled for a bunch of things I did not need... Which is still not having anything..
I am grateful for the experiences in hindsight but it HURT.
How do I do better... I am listening to myself. That means when I feel a feeling lets say FEAR.. I address it instead of ignoring it. I ask my self a few questions
- Why am I afraid
- Will this thing I am afraid of hurt me physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually?
- If the answer is yes to any of those questions then I ask HOW do I either minimize or eliminate the harm. We can not always eliminate a thing in our lives... But we can control and minimize the impact we allow it to have upon our existence.
- It is either a YES or a NO.. If it is NOT a YES it is a NO...STOP complicating things.
- I Stop ASSUMING and take what is CLEARLY given, stated, or offered. (See #4) Its the old saying actions speak louder then words..
What I am doing is being BRAVE. I am allowing myself to be vulnerable. I am allowing myself to TRUST, I am allowing others around me to do the same. I am leading by example the behaviors I expect others to portray in my world.
I am embracing the old sayings. Practice what you preach and Lead by example.
If it is my desire to have a husband and mate who is sacrificing by putting his wife and his children and family before himself shouldn't I be willing to meet his needs as well? Now before anyone argues the point of what if his needs are not your needs or some such other tangent let me state this disclaimer..
I would not enter into a relationship of marriage without having my core values meet. PERIOD there are some hard lines that I have learned are not negotiable.
Being 1st, the most valued, and priceless in some one's life is NOT negotiable. :)
Jami
Monday, June 11, 2012
For me.. I had an epiphany
I woke up a few days ago and had an epiphany. Like I am SERIOUS I had the most clarifying moment as of yet.
I realized that I am complicated WAY beyond what is necessary.
I realized I am creating my own obstetrical
I realized I was stopping my own success
I realized I was hindering my growth.
I realized I stood in the way of my complete healing
The Gumbo Gals' Kitchen! Check it out!
Jami
I realized that I am complicated WAY beyond what is necessary.
I realized I am creating my own obstetrical
I realized I was stopping my own success
I realized I was hindering my growth.
I realized I stood in the way of my complete healing
- The absence of YES is simply NO. Simple.
- Maybe is NO.. You are not saying yes and NOT doing the thing I have asked of you. That equals No
- I do what I want to do. If I am at a place, with a person, living in a house, or at a job I WANT to be there. Now I may not LIKE it but I get a benefit from that thing and that benefit far outweighs the negative impact.. if it did not I would not do the thing willingly.
- I may NOT like it but I CHOOSE it.
- I ALWAYS have a choice.
- I am PRICELESS
- My opinion and ideas count
- I can do anything if I just DO it.
The Gumbo Gals' Kitchen! Check it out!
Jami
C is for....
Creation
We have the ability to say today is a good day and it seems that the day was just wonderful. Then there are other days when we wake up and we are just NOT quite right. We look in the mirror and we are less then pleased with what is starring back at us. Those days seem to go from bad to worse, we just never seem to get a break...
We create happiness and sadness. We are in control of our emotions. WE create the circumstances that effect our lives and existence. Anytime we find our selves not liking what we see, we can CREATE something else.
Creation begins in the mind with just a thought...
Begin by controlling your thoughts and creating new ones....
Jami
We have the ability to say today is a good day and it seems that the day was just wonderful. Then there are other days when we wake up and we are just NOT quite right. We look in the mirror and we are less then pleased with what is starring back at us. Those days seem to go from bad to worse, we just never seem to get a break...
We create happiness and sadness. We are in control of our emotions. WE create the circumstances that effect our lives and existence. Anytime we find our selves not liking what we see, we can CREATE something else.
Creation begins in the mind with just a thought...
Begin by controlling your thoughts and creating new ones....
Jami
Obligation
Obligation
Obligation that seem to hold and bind us although we fight them. What happens when we take obligation away and we are left with DESIRE or WANT.
I have a story to share with you that was shared with me
Her brother is in his early 20's and he was at his grandfathers home. He wanted to wash his car.. He washed his car.
He did not ask for assistance nor was he asked several times by himself or anyone else to complete the task. Imagine this he was able to do it ALL by him self...
The sponge, bucket, water, soap, towels, window cleaner, wax with the turtle on it, wheel cleaner.. You get the idea right the WHOLE nine yards.
The grandfather another day asked this same reliable, independent ACTING male that could wash his car and find everything with out assistance to mow the grass. The same male could not find a rake, a broom, nor garbage bags. This same male missed most of the lawn leaving it uncut or cut incorrectly.
The grandmother asked the grandfather to help the male grandchild.
The grandfather answered
" He didn't need help washing his car"
Readers when we attack a task our PERCEPTION of that task is important. Obligation is not enough to do ANYTHING. DESIRE and WANT coupled with obligation can take you a lot further.
Last thing to think about. The obligation in the end is to yourself. When we short change others in our actions we are short changing our SELF.
Jami
Obligation that seem to hold and bind us although we fight them. What happens when we take obligation away and we are left with DESIRE or WANT.
I have a story to share with you that was shared with me
Her brother is in his early 20's and he was at his grandfathers home. He wanted to wash his car.. He washed his car.
He did not ask for assistance nor was he asked several times by himself or anyone else to complete the task. Imagine this he was able to do it ALL by him self...
The sponge, bucket, water, soap, towels, window cleaner, wax with the turtle on it, wheel cleaner.. You get the idea right the WHOLE nine yards.
The grandfather another day asked this same reliable, independent ACTING male that could wash his car and find everything with out assistance to mow the grass. The same male could not find a rake, a broom, nor garbage bags. This same male missed most of the lawn leaving it uncut or cut incorrectly.
The grandmother asked the grandfather to help the male grandchild.
The grandfather answered
" He didn't need help washing his car"
Readers when we attack a task our PERCEPTION of that task is important. Obligation is not enough to do ANYTHING. DESIRE and WANT coupled with obligation can take you a lot further.
Last thing to think about. The obligation in the end is to yourself. When we short change others in our actions we are short changing our SELF.
Jami
Benevolence
Benevolent...
be·nev·o·lent
adjective
1.
characterized by or expressing goodwill or kindly feelings: a benevolent attitude; her benevolent smile.
2.
desiring to help others; charitable: gifts from several benevolent alumni.
3.
I want to grow in benevolence.
In my personal life I would like to express goodwill and kindness to all that I encounter.
In my home I would like to maintain the desire to help and give the benefits of my love and dedication to my husband and family.
In our marriage where benevolence is shared between us.
If you get to know me you will quickly learn that I have a STRONG opinion about a few things concerning MY life. See the MY that means I am not talking about the other YOU just ME and MY. :)
Ok in my life I have a few things that are important to me.
I believe that it is IMPORTANT for ME to place my HUSBAND and CHILDREN and FAMILY before anything and anyone else.. No I am not ducking to hide ;) and YES I am serious! I am proud and anyone that knows me will tell you this about me. I am a wife and mother first. I have no confusion regarding my goals and desires.
Jami
intended for benefits rather than profit: a benevolent institution.
I want to grow in benevolence.
In my personal life I would like to express goodwill and kindness to all that I encounter.
In my home I would like to maintain the desire to help and give the benefits of my love and dedication to my husband and family.
In our marriage where benevolence is shared between us.
If you get to know me you will quickly learn that I have a STRONG opinion about a few things concerning MY life. See the MY that means I am not talking about the other YOU just ME and MY. :)
Ok in my life I have a few things that are important to me.
- My husband- Here is the tricky part I am not married. :)
- My Children- I have a few and I would add many many more!
- Family- This means anyone born, adopted, cherished, loved, supported, that I call my own.
- Close friends- See family
- My values and ideas.
I believe that it is IMPORTANT for ME to place my HUSBAND and CHILDREN and FAMILY before anything and anyone else.. No I am not ducking to hide ;) and YES I am serious! I am proud and anyone that knows me will tell you this about me. I am a wife and mother first. I have no confusion regarding my goals and desires.
- Yes I have a college degree.. Ok I have more then one. BUT that doesn't matter...
- Before you ask no I do not feel I am wasting my education ... I am educated no matter my employment status :)
- I am achieving things. I am RAISING a HUMAN... Hummm if that is not important I do not know what else is.
- I am catering to my husband and family.. .THAT is important.
- NO I am not board. I have a brain and I know how to do things besides the TV to keep me busy
- YES I have friends :)
Find the thing that you LOVE and makes you happy and DO it. Today I did...
Jami
Thursday, May 31, 2012
A is for...
Acknowledgment
noun
1.
an act of acknowledging.
2.
recognition of the existence or truth of something: the acknowledgment of a sovereign power.
3.
4.
a thing done or given in appreciation or gratitude.
5.
Law .
a.
a declaration before an official that one has executed a particular legal document.
b.
an official certificate of a formal acknowledging.
c.
public recognition by a man of an illegitimate child as his own.
I realized that one day I lived in a world where I felt like I had little control and little power. That was my first step into change. Acknowledging
Acceptance
noun
1.
the act of taking or receiving something offered.
2.
favorable reception; approval; favor.
3.
the act of assenting or believing: acceptance of a theory.
4.
the fact or state of being accepted or acceptable.
5.
acceptation ( def. 1 ) .
I woke up today and rejected acceptance of a situation I was not pleased with..
I woke up today and learned that at the very center of my life actions is the desire to gain acceptance and the synonyms that go with it.
I felt like many many many many many many people felt the same way.. This is OUR journey to acceptance.
WHY
I was driving in my car today and I was having a talk with myself. It went like this
"I DO NOT want to work"
"I LOVE my children and I want to spend my days with them"
" I NEED to make money to support us"
"WHAT am I good at"
"HOW can I see what I am good at"
"THEN How do I sell what I see"
"This is the desire of my heart, I BELIEVE it will happen"
And then I heard in my heart ACCEPTANCE>>>>>
When I got home I shared my idea with my cousin. We have been talking about ways to be happy, content, and stable without having to got to work everyday!!!
And now our journey begins...
"I DO NOT want to work"
"I LOVE my children and I want to spend my days with them"
" I NEED to make money to support us"
"WHAT am I good at"
"HOW can I see what I am good at"
"THEN How do I sell what I see"
"This is the desire of my heart, I BELIEVE it will happen"
And then I heard in my heart ACCEPTANCE>>>>>
When I got home I shared my idea with my cousin. We have been talking about ways to be happy, content, and stable without having to got to work everyday!!!
And now our journey begins...
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